but it backfired on me. I had just left the store when I heard them. He was helping her out of an old minivan because she was pregnant. He was grinning from ear to ear and making a big deal over her walking. I was so upset and hurt. I started to quickly leave, but when I saw the car I was driving, I hopped in, drove right up, and said ‘hello’. He turned around, smiles and says ‘hello’ back. He didn't even mention the car. He just goes on and on about the baby. Finally, I asks where I should take the car for a tune up and pointed to the car. He didn't even blink and said any luxury car dealership can help me, then kept talking about the ultra sound. I was so furious, I just drove away. I looked back at his expression in my rear view mirror and he looked shocked for about a second, then he shrugged his shoulders and continued to fuss over her. So who really won?"
Ginny shook her head as the horrible memory faded away. "I know you think, you'll feel better if you get him back, but the best way to get him back is for you to get over him and have a marvelous life without him. Men just don't care enough to get hurt like we do, so you'll only waste your time. But you can do what you want." Ginny continued, "You really are lucky to have Christopher. You should just concentrate on him. If you raise him to be great and successful, like I know he will be. You will get him back, because he will never be able to claim responsibility for your great work and he will not benefit from it."
Teri smiles and added, "Especially if I get married again and Christopher calls another man daddy." Ginny gives her a weird look. "Well, you do what you feel you need to, but when your done just remember that God will be there to pick up the pieces and I am going to be praying for you." With that, Ginny turned and walked off waving her hand and calling out good-bye. Teri shrugged her shoulders and gets in line with all six tapes.
The whole drive home, Teri concentrates on the Jason, what she and Keisha has done and the various movies she is about to watch. When Teri opens the door to her house, she sees the words "Gods will be done on earth as it is in heaven!" Teri looks down and keeps her eyes lowered as she brings Christopher upstairs and put him in his room. Purposely, Teri does not look up knowing that she will see the words. ‘Man of GOD in Training, and in parenthesis, (I did my part!).’ Teri keeps her eyes lowered as she puts in the rental and begins watching the movie.
Halfway through the movie, she wants to get something to drink and make some popcorn, but decides not too, because of all of the condemning words she will have to pass along the way. However, when she sticks in the next movie, Teri contemplates the popcorn again then mummers, "How do I always end up trapped in my own house." Teri continues to complain to herself, as she carefully maneuvers over to the refrigerator and grabs a soda and a bag of chips.
She sits there and watching movie after movie of vengeance and revenge until she finally falls asleep in front of the television. Cuddled up on the couch with a big blanket she has a dream about her own revenge toward her husband--movie style.
Teri is hunting him down with a cut off shot gun screaming at him in a southern accent in her wedding dress, "You’re gonna make me legal! Things are gonna be my way from now on!" When she finds him, he is hiding under a woman's dress. Teri smiles, then hits the woman twice with the back of her gun. First in the stomach, and when the woman bends down grabbing her stomach in pain, Teri hits her again on the back of the head, making the woman fall forward onto her face. Then Teri puts the gun in his face and tells him how things are going to be. "From now on you will cook, clean, work, do the laundry and have the children—and I want 7!
Shaking and scared he starts to kiss her feet in agreeance as she tells her how perfect she is. Teri pushes him off with her heels, and tells him to hurry up and get to work. Immediately he is cleaning and cooking while she is sitting down, eating grapes. When he completes everything, Teri takes him in the backyard and leads him to a dog house with his name on it. She puts a collar and leash on him and locks the chain around his neck, then goes inside the house.
Opening up the kitchen window and calling out to him. He comes out of the dog house whimpering and she commands. "You better not have any bitches in my backyard because I'll cut you too short to pee." Swiftly she closes the window and goes upstairs to bed. She can hear the rain pouring down, but when she hears the wind and thunder, that's when the smile creeps across her face. Jason's whimpers from the cold helps her drift off to sleep.
Similar dream scenes play out in her head through out the night until she wakes up, with a smile on her face. Stretching Teri goes upstairs to check on Christopher. He is still sleeping, so she goes into her room and back to bed. The next day is spent watching movies. It is close to
Keisha buzzes her in as soon as Teri gets to the door. "I got the perfect plan for him!" Keisha says excitedly. "And I also know how we can see what happens to her." Keisha's smile is so contagious Teri can not help but to smile too. She takes Teri right to her computer room. "I was thinking that we can just hang out by her place today and then we can see what happens. We shouldn’t wait until tomorrow! This way since you don't have to work, you will get to see the surprise on her face when she sees the poster size nude picture of herself hanging in her apartment building. I already made the copies so let’s go and I'll tell you the plan about Jason while we wait." Keisha grabs her various copies from off of her desk.
As they drive to her apartment ready to tape up the copies, they discuss the email that was sent out yesterday. They sent out an anonymous email with the girls picture to everyone on her husbands email distribution list. Keisha checked the email and a several people emailed back. Some are mortified, but Keisha lets Teri read some of the funnier replies to the email that they sent out anonymously.
Some of Jason's business associates got the email and three of the men replied stating that now they did not have to imagine her with her clothes off and thanked him for sending it. Five women thought it was repulsive and tasteless. Two women thought that the girl had sent it herself and they were reprimanding her for her illicit act. Three women thought that Jason sent it and voiced their concern for her well being and how awful Jason should feel about setting her up like this. Ten opened the email, but did not respond. There are still twenty people who had not opened it including Jason and the star of the show.
As soon as they get there, Keisha quickly tapes up the poster size picture of her outside the apartment door and tapes up around ten copies with the words, ‘Free! Take One!’ above it. Someone comes out of the building so Keisha holds the door and quickly goes in. She is gone a little under ten minutes. When she came back out, with a satisfied look on her face, she hops back in the car and says, "They are all over the place. When she steps outside of her door, I put a poster size copy right there. I just wish I could see her expression. If she wants to act like a common prostitute then from now on she can be treated like it." As Teri continues to read the emails she adds enthusiastically, "Yeah, now she will know how it feels to have her home violated!" Teri is reading the last email when Keisha's phone rings. The last email discusses how disappointing it is to see just how low people can be; the one in the picture and the one who sent it out.
After reading it, Teri doesn’t feel like celebrating anymore. Teri looks in the back seat at Christopher who is looking out the window and banging his toy on the side of the car seat. Just then, Keisha says they have to go. "I have to get back to work; they are having a crisis with one of the copiers." After reading that last email Teri feels okay with leaving.
When Teri goes inside of her house Christopher is asleep, she lays the baby down and gets into her bed as well. Thinking about how trapped she feels in her own house, now that she is hiding from looking at the various scriptures she has posted up, she contemplates her life as she starts to drift off to sleep and begins to have a more realistic dream.
In the dream, she is in her bedroom and begins walking down the stairs. Her house looks like it did when Jason lived there. She examines the changes as she walks through the house. In the living room, she notices his favorite boots near the couch. The feeling of how messy he is comes back to her; she picks up the boots and put them away, then goes into the kitchen looking for him. Opening the refrigerator, she sees his favorite drinks. He is definitely in the house--but where? She thinks as she heads back upstairs. Checking in the guest room, master bedroom and even the baby's room, she can not find him. The house is empty, even Christopher isn't in his crib. All of a sudden, fear comes upon her. ‘What if Jason has taken Christopher?’ This thought grips Teri’s heart.
Unexpectedly she hears a loud sound downstairs, which instantly frightens her and makes her jump. Immediately turning around, she heads for the stairs. As Teri starts down the stairs, eerily the house slowly begins to change. It goes back to how the house looks after Jason left. She can even see Jason's shoes fading away at the bottom of the stairwell. Walking very slowly, Teri carefully looks around as she witnesses the various changes. Scared, Teri
Although she is nervous and a little scared, she knows that she still has to get to the sound she heard. Feeling weird, Teri is going in slow motion like time is starting to stand still, as she continues to cautiously walk down the stairs. By the time, she reaches the bottom she is dripping with sweat because of the heat and efforts she was putting in just to move. Slowly heading into the kitchen, she wipes her face. Straining to get her body to move quicker she moans as she concentrates on each movement. Overheating, she focuses on pushing her limbs to move, as it starts to grow darker and darker, making her reach for the light, but before she can reach the kitchen light switch, she is at a complete standstill.
The more she strains to turn the light on the less she moves and the harder she begins to sweat. Still struggling despite all of her best efforts, it has become unbearably hot. Finally, Teri started to withdraw her hand, which is much easier to do. Not being able to move, she tries to look around, but the room has become so dark now that when she looks down she cannot even see herself. Then she hears the same noise coming from the kitchen again. Struggling Teri groans trying to slightly move her head in order to look into the kitchen.
Making a creepy sound, the oven door is slowly opening providing an unnatural light then slams shut. Startled, Teri stood there not able to even sit down or crawl away. Teri is terrified as she begins to hear a spine-chilling sound approaching her. In the mist of the darkness Teri can see even darker shadows approaching her. Teri is mortified! She can not even close her eyes to find a little escape.
Bit by bit they gradually creep toward her in a disturbing manner, until she is completely surrounded. They are all different sizes, smaller and taller than as she is, familiar yet disfigured, making it hard to identify them or recognize their distorted shapes. Oddly, Teri feels drawn to them, which literally takes her breath away. Not being able to discern what they want tears began to instantly flow down her already sweaty face. Frightened Teri tries to mentally leave.
They draw even closer to her and one whispers something in her ear in an unnaturally deep tone. Instantly she feels hunger pains making her cringe and bend over as she grabs her stomach. Another whispers the same thing in her face, then in her ear, stirring up her rage and revenge causing her to scream in hateful pain. Another whispers behind her then in her ear and sorrow and grief overcomes Teri, making her heart throb powerfully causing an unbearable pain in her chest. Tears stream down her face like a turned on facet. Over and over again, they continue to do this as Teri automatically reacts to every whisper. They do this repeatedly until her entire body aches from her overly worked muscles and stretched joints.
Exhausted, Teri is finally able to collapse onto the floor as rage and anger consume her thoughts causing her to scream uncontrollably! Feeling out of control both hands grip the side of her face because of her hurting locked jaws. Still screaming one hand lets go as her fingers linger over her throbbing sore neck. Teri has never felt so out of control before. Twitching and screaming she jerks about on the floor. They tower over her and begin to chant the words together, "reyka ignis shoteh gehennae foolinsult!" Each chant troubles her as she tosses about violently, slowly moving toward the kitchen. Becoming hoarse she is barely able to yell, while the groans within her are still deafening her ears. Suffering she grabs hold of her stomach. The oven door opens and she goes in head first while they chant her through.
Once she begins to enter in, the pain grabs hold of her head. A sinister force is around her. Tightening its grip, sharp nails dig into her eyes and ears, swiftly pulling the rest of her body through. It grabs her by the mouth and tosses her to the floor. Teri can barely see since her body is still flinging about preventing her from being able to concentrate on anything. Her mind is tormented with thoughts of murder, suicide, blood and death. The temperature is scorching hot and her clothes are melting away, sliding off of her body like butter. Moving violently over her puddle like clothes, she loosens her grip around her stomach and tries to grab at anything to get control.
Flipping about she can see others screaming in suffering pains all about her. Some has been their so long that their body is distorted from all of the vicious turning. One man's body flipped about like a limp noodle as he screamed in fierce agony. The beast that has pulled her in goes over to another door and grabs hold of another person. As she flips again she sees past the open oven door and the poster paper that she has posted up is glowing. Quickly she concentrates her unfocused eyes and pull the scripture from her memory, the words that she has written.
‘And the priest shall burn them upon the altar: [it is] the food of the offering made by fire for a sweet savour: all the fat [is] the LORD'S. Leviticus 3:16.’
As she mentally reads this verse through in her head, she is finally able to gain control of her thoughts and focuses her eyes on the bottom portion of the poster paper. She reads it.
‘And as they are eating, Jesus takes bread, and blessed [it], and brake [it], and gave [it] to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. And he takes the cup, and gave thanks, and gave [it] to them, saying, Drink ye all of it; For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins. Matthew 26"
Starting in a whisper until she is talking it through out loud, she gains full control of her limbs. Immediately Teri pulls herself up and quickly goes back through the opening. Breathing heavily she turns and closes the door, but before the door is fully shut she saw Jason's distorted body, brutally swinging inhumanely. Stunned she can still hear his screams mixed with everyone elses. She stands up and quotes the verse on the microwave. "Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. Matthew 15:11."
When she says this, the screams fade away, but before they do, she hears the distinct cry of her baby boy loudly coming from the oven. Little Christopher is in there! Immediately the oven door violently opens allowing her to hear him more clearly then shuts again as distorted laughter rang out. Mortified and stunned, automatically her eyes look at the oven door in disbelief.
In a frantic cold sweat, Teri woke up wide-eyed and hysterical. She runs into her son’s room and grabs little Christopher who is still asleep. Grabbing him, Teri falls to the floor holding him tight and weeping emotionally. The dream replayed itself back in her mind as she somberly weeps. Christopher fights to get free of her grip, but Teri is holding him close kissing him as she says, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" Unable to think of anything else, Teri just sits there holding little Christopher so long that he finally falls back to sleep.
The rest of the afternoon, Teri thinks through her life in response to the dream and makes some hardcore decisions. Lately with all of the pressure she has been under, Teri has reverted back to her old comforts. Her current actions have always been her way of coping and confronting her troubles--daydreaming her revenge for those that hurt or take advantage of her, drinking her troubles away, losing herself in a mindless tasks, like watching television, or following a mindless rumor or the latest gossip, throwing herself pity parties and consistently complaining to anyone who will listen. Teri has been doing this for as long as she could remember. Whenever she wanted to feel better, she would use more and more of these tactics until she finally did feel better and this usually worked. But now, Teri can finally see how they masked the problems and are not really solving anything.
Fully sober, for the first time Teri realizes that all of her coping mechanisms are in essence not helping her but actually hurting her abilities to think, function, love, react and live. Teri is acutely aware of aspects of her life that she has bottled away, purposely thrown away or just plain forgot about. In her new clear-minded and restrained demeanor she really thinks things through. Sipping on a cup of coffee, she swears to herself that she will never get so caught up that she will allow her son to get lost in the shuffle.
Cringing at the thought of Christopher hurting because of her lack of self-control and focus, brings tears to her eyes. Little Christopher depends on her for his every need and she has been acting so needed herself she has been oblivious to his real needs, wants and issues. The phone rings, but Teri does not want to allow anymore distractions hinder her thoughts so she lets the answering machine pick it up. Keisha leaves a message, "Hey give me a call, let me know when you can stop by so that we can finish. I told you I have the perfect plan to make sure that we give Jason the hell he deserves!" Teri closes her eyes and shakes her head and repents of her involvement.
The anger she felt in her dream has left Teri sore, mentally and physically. She can feel the bruises that the rage has left on her body. "God I am so sorry! Please forgive my emotional state. I never want to have anger like that again. Vengeance is yours!" Still shaken by her experience, Teri continues to analyze her life, making strict judgments and rigid decisions. She stays up most of the night writing things down.
She has come up with her own 10 commandments; on how she will handle the divorce, her money situation, her job, how she will live under Gods authority, and number 1 being how she will keep Christopher first in her life. She debates whether she will ever get married again. Her first thought is that she does not deserve it, but ultimately concludes the she will keep it open for discussion just in case.
When the morning comes, Teri is exhausted. She gets herself ready then brings Christopher down and feeds him. She watches him with a new awareness of his actions and reactions. She recognizes that he really wants to be a big boy and feed himself and that is why he keeps fighting with her. She gives him a spoon and allows him to dip it in the food she is feeding him. He is ecstatic and she is able to easily feed him.
Smiling she grabs a wet nap to wipe him off. He turns, hides his face and cries not allowing her to wipe him off. This normally will make Teri mad and she will hold his head forcing him still so she could wipe him off, but today she takes his highchair to the bathroom mirror and shows him his face and explains why he has to get it cleaned. Then she lets him try to clean it off. He enjoys looking at himself so much that she is able to clean his face off effortlessly.
When Teri drops Christopher off at the daycare, her heart is heavy. She keeps hugging and kissing him and will not put him down. She points to the various toys and shows him the special treats she put in his diaper bag. Christopher squirms to get down, but Teri continues to hold and embrace him, until one of the ladies that works there begins treating Teri like a new mom who is using the daycare facilities for the first time. Ultimately, she reminds Teri that she is probably already late, that finally prompts Teri into letting the lady take little Christopher away from Teri, allowing him to go off and play. Teri can feel the tears developing as she drives away, it feels like the first time she had to drop him off.
With everything that Teri has gone through this weekend, it feels like years have passed instead of days, making work the last thing on her mind. When she walks through the work doors, she has already made it up in her mind that it will be a hard first day back as she remembers the words from her loving grandmother. "Remember Teri, anytime you are doing God's will, the devil will get mad and try to get you. But never give up, because God will always take care of you, and things will always turn out even better." Smiling as she thinks of her late grandmother, Teri begins her day. To her surprise, the day goes by smoothly, as she deals with her normal crisis’s and fires.
Teri even leaves on time excited to see Christopher. After picking him up and giving him the biggest hub she decides to stop by the church for bible study--something she has never done before. They are discussing the faith that Abraham displays as he goes to the mountain to sacrifice his son. The discussion really tugs at her heart. At this point, she can not imagine being given a task like that. Halfway through the discussion she even has to grab Christopher and give him a long bear hug just to calm her nerves. Christopher graciously hugs her back but quickly is anxious to get back down to play.
Teri tries to stay and listen but the discussion is too close to her heart. Finally she gets up and stops by the secretaries office hoping to see Sister Kelly. Relieved, Teri sees Sister Kelly in the office on the phone. When Sister Kelly sees her, she gives Teri a huge smile and says to the person on the phone, "I'm sorry, but I have to go, I have a very special visitor!" They both say their good-byes, then she stands up and comes over to hug her.
"I am so glad to see you. How are you doing?" Sister Kelly says warmly. Teri smiles and sits down next to her. "I came her for the bible study, but they are talking about how father Abraham is given a word from God to kill his son and the very thought of it just sends chills down my back." Demonstrating her feelings, she shivers and makes a face. Amused Sister Kelly laughs. "I am really glad that you are here Sister Kelly, because I wanted to get as many bible verses regarding raising my son as possible."
Sister Kelly goes to the file cabinet and pulls out a sheet of paper, and makes a copy. "These are all of the verses, but it will be wise of you to search the bible for yourself, you will be able to find even more scriptures that are even more personal to your specific needs." She hands a copy to Teri and puts the rest of the copies and original back into the large grey file cabinet. With a frown on her face, Teri abruptly asks, "Can babies go to hell?"
Sister Kelly looks at Teri's somber expression and cautiously asks, "Is something wrong Hon?" Then Teri tells Sister Kelly about her dream. When she finishes Sister Kelly sits back in her chair. She looks up and whispers a prayer then leans forward and holds Teri's hand and pats it. Feeling guilty, Teri holds her head down and tells Sister Kelly about what she did instead of going to church and her meeting with Ginny. Teri speaks softly as guilt and shame projects through her voice as Teri tells her everything. Sister Kelly gently pats her hand again then goes back to the file cabinet and pulls out a couple of files.
She takes out various copies and hands them to Teri and says, "I am sorry that this has happened to you. But just like I said to you the first time we met, I am glad that you are choosing the right course instead of the many other paths that are out there." Sister Kelly sits back down next to her. "Teri you must understand that you had a very special opportunity to see how your feelings are able to consume you and just how awful it can be when they have total control. In your dream you were face to face with horrible spirits were able to whisper commands to you and you automatically responded. You also had the chance to see how your actions can leave your son in harms way. Do you know just how many women are not as lucky as you? You now know that if you don't protect him the things that he will face will be hell. My question to you is what will you do with all that has been given to you?"
Teri looks up at Sister Kelly, "Well the last time I did not allow the words that you told me to sink in far enough. When the first sign of trouble came, I departed and even hid from the words that I had written down. So now, I am determined to change my life and create a whole new lifestyle. I am now fully aware of my actions, feelings and the troubles that I face. So I am going to continue to surround myself in God. In my dream, that is what saved me. His word! That is also why I decided to come to church today instead of just going home. I am going to change my friends. Take any harmful thoughts captive and work on responding appropriately."
Teri makes an unhappy face as she continues. "But honestly, I am so scared! I’m nervous as to what’s going to happen to me now that I have decided to really change. Sister Kelly I am really scared of the devil! I enjoyed my life a lot, before all of this happened. So I know that I am going to be challenged and all of my decisions tested. I don't know if I am strong enough. I don't want to cry all of the time. But then again that is what I have been doing lately, anyway so I guess that does not matter. But I am scared of evil pulling me back and or getting me back." Teri looks up as she again thinks about the last few months then says, "I guess that does not matter either since my life has been so horrible anyway." Teri slightly grins since she has answered all of her fears.
"You are a very wise young person." Sister Kelly adds. Teri's smile suddenly widens, "Thank you, and thank you for calling me young." Sister Kelly laughs at the humorous way that Teri exaggerates her appreciation regarding her age over wisdom. "I gave you copies of various scriptures that can help you. They are all titled appropriately." Teri folds them all up and puts them in her purse.
"I really appreciate all of your help Sister Kelly. It is a relief to know that you are here for me." Teri smiles as she stands on up. "I am going to head on home and get myself together. I have a lot of reading, studying and preparation work to do. I have to be prepared when the devil comes after me so that this time I can really stand strong and lean on God" Teri gives Sister Kelly a grateful hug. "You are really a precious person to me. Thank you!" Teri whispers in her ear then leaves.
As soon as Teri enters her house, she can hear the answering machine turn off from a recently left message. She takes Christopher upstairs prepares him for bed and brings him into her room to look at their picture above her bed. Christopher stares at it and comments on it in his own special baby language. She goes downstairs prepares a couple of baby bottles for the next day, then sits down with him on her lap and looks through a book. She tries to read it, but he keeps turning the pages before she can get the story out.
They do this until he falls asleep in her arms. Teri holds him for a while and just soaks him in. Cradling his head in arms as she gently rubs his soft cheeks, she things to herself, soon he will be older and he won't want to just sit with her especially without the television going. Thinking this way makes her hold him even closer as she bends over and breathes his freshly washed body in. Loving his angelic appearance and clean baby scent, Teri cherishes the moment. He looks so sweet and innocent when he is asleep. This is the best time to hold him since now he is not anxious to get back to his playing. Holding on to the moment, Teri sings to him a couple of timeless children songs, making up words to the lyrics that she is not really sure of.
Finally, she kisses him on his chubby little cheeks and gets up holding him close to her chest. Walking to his room she stops halfway between her room and his trying to decide where she should lay him down. Although she wants to sleep next to him, she decides on his bed, still sensitive to his fall. Even after she lays him down, she stands there for a while praying and reading off the various verses that she has written around his bedroom.
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