Teri goes back to the phone and stares at it.  Everything within her is tugging at her to call Keisha back.  The curiosity has her mind completely wandering.  Slowly putting her hand on the receiver, Teri just stands there trying to weigh the options.  The obvious question of "what did they say" vs. "If you call her you won't be able to stop" battles it out in her head.  They both use enticing blows trying to get Teri's approval and gain ultimate control.  Teri is so consumed with this internal fierce battle that when the phone rings again, it startles her so much that she jumps back, drops the phone and almost falls to the floor. 

Regaining her balance she stares at the phone like it is a foreign object.  In a trance, she slowly walks back toward it.  When she is close enough, Teri checks to see who it is.  Jason is calling!  Stunned and unsure of how she wants to respond, she turns down the answering machine so that she can not hear his response.  As soon as the phone stops ringing, Teri knows that she wants to know what he is saying.  She steps back knowing that she can not handle the truth right now and the best move for her on going battle with him is military silence. 

She turns around, walking quickly back to the kitchen table and tries to study.  After sitting there for half an hour, she knows that her attempts to study are futile, in view of the fact, that she can not retain the one chapter she has been reading since she sat down.  Teri stands up and starts stretching moving her head, legs and arms.  Then she sits back down and tries it again.  She reads the first verse slowly aloud hoping that by lingering on the words that they will stick.  Although she is able to say the words, she still does not know what she is saying.  She looks at the same verse in the other bible that is a different translation and reads it aloud as well.  But it really seems like it just does not fit with what she has just read. 

She looks back at the paper she has received from Sister Kelly and realizes that she is reading the wrong verse.  No wonder, what she read in the first bible did not go along with what she has just read.  Shaking her head in disapproval, she goes to the right verse and starts to read it again.  This time it makes more sense, motivating her to begin her study.  After two hours, Teri stretches and looks over her notes.  She goes over and gets a couple of sheets of poster paper, making herself reminder notes, and posts them up.  She takes her notepad and also adds various notes to some of the poster papers that she already has hanging up. 

She walks by the answering machine and puts her hand on the delete button.  After a minute, she shakes her head and goes off to bed.  Teri just doesn't have it in her to erase the messages.  Smiling to herself, she knows she is just not strong enough for that, but at least she didn't listen to it, getting herself all worked up.  Giving herself credit for that she peacefully lays down and goes right to sleep.

The next morning everything goes like clockwork.  She is able to drop Christopher off on time and even reach work 15 minutes ahead of schedule.  Feeling good, Teri sits at her desk ready to use that time to email Keisha.  During her drive, she rehearsed what she was going to write.  She opens the anonymous email account and sees the email from both Annie and Jason. She deletes the rest, but is not able to delete their responses without reading them.  

In order to appease her curiosity, she puts the two emails in her spam folder so that she will not be tempted by seeing them every time she opens the email box.  Knowing that she is not strong enough to handle reading their comments without getting angry, or just deleting them without reading anything, Teri feels better setting the emails aside. 

This is the best way to keep her curiosity appeased and not setting herself up to get angry or become revengeful again.  Although imaging what Annie has written does put a smile on her face.  Immediately Teri scolds herself for being so vicious.  To hide the temptation she closes her spam folder and begins writing her apologetic letter to Keisha. 

Keisha and Teri have been friends for years, so she knows that Keisha will be mad if they do not get even with Jason, and knowing Keisha, even without Teri’s help, she just might still try to get him back.  Teri begins by writing how much she loves, respects and treasures their friendship, but that she needs time to concentrate on healing.  She also includes that she is not going to allow herself to get an ulcer, grey hairs or cancer or any other ailment because of him.  At the end of the email, she reminds Keisha of the time that they met. 

Keisha was new in the neighborhood and Teri had confronted two mean older girls who are picking on Keisha.  Keisha who is three years younger than Teri and four years younger than the girls was trying to defend herself.  In the end, they all fought and the two girls beat them both up.  Teri received most of the blows since she had jumped in.  When they became older, Keisha use to tease Teri saying that she would not have gotten beat up at all if it isn't for Teri trying to help.  But from that moment on Keisha became a crusader against injustice, always trying to help others like Teri helped her. 

She ended the email with "You Know I Love You—And I Always Will!!"  After hitting send, she prayed that the email will be enough.  Sighing as Teri thinks through the end of this whole emailing scheme, she finally starts her day.  Going through the motions, she attends her various meetings, training sessions and puts out the normal fires, even though  her mind is on her life and not fully on her job.  Nothing seems too important.  Her attention is on where she is heading and the life that she is going to have when everything is finally complete. 

When the divorce became inevitable, Teri stopped thinking about her future.  All she could concentrate on was the past and trying to comfort herself in her present state.  Now the future is the only thing on her mind; Heaven, Hell, Little Christopher becoming a man, her real accomplishments, the purpose of life.  How can she regain control over her life when so much is out of her control?  The more she reads the bible the more her mind is expanded as she ponders the various aspects of her life. 

Since her mind is not into her work, Teri leaves early for lunch.  She goes inside an unused meeting room and begins studying again.  She is so engrossed in her reading and note taking that when she does look up at the clock 45 minutes has gone by.  She has not even touched her food yet and she has a meeting in 15 minutes.  Teri quickly gobbles down her sandwich, washing it down with a diet coke and tries to write down one more verse.  People start to come into the meeting room.  She is using the room they are suppose to meet in.  Since Teri did not grab any of the paperwork for the meeting including the agenda that she needs for the meeting, Teri is about to go back to her desk.  Annoyed that she has to leave, Teri complains within herself as she stands up, because she really wants to continue her studies.

Thinking that she is probably going to lose her job anyway, she decides to stay there and continues reading and studying.  Her desk is too far away for her to go to it and come back to the room before the meeting starts.  Teri asks to see the agenda from the manager holding the meeting.  Joanne smiles and gives her an extra copy.  "I usually don't make copies since I send out the agenda via email, but when I printed mine I accidentally made 2 copies."  Teri smiles grateful knowing that she can use the agenda to take notes on as well. Now she really does not have to go back to her desk. 

The meeting is long like usual, but Teri's mind is not on what anyone is saying.  She is thinking through the verses she was reading.  She keeps bumping them up against one thought—Can God really do those things now?  She was reading about Jesus healing people and raising people from the dead, but what about today?  It seemed like a different world then.  Why with all of the knowledge and technology around today, that there aren't more people doing at least what the disciples are doing.  Teri makes up in her mind that she will go see Sister Kelly after work. 

As soon as the clock strikes five, Teri is walking through the exit door.  She quickly picks up Christopher from daycare and heads to the church.  This time when she gets out of the car, she is pleased because she has her baby and finally she has brought her bible.  Sister Kelly is walking toward the fellowship hall when Teri calls out for her.  Surprised Sister Kelly comes toward her, gives her a hug and escorts her into the fellowship hall and points to a seat. 

There are a handful of other women there including Ginny.  Everyone looks serious.  Ready with notepads and bibles open.  Teri quickly sits down and gets prepared to write like everyone else.  Sister Kelly begins writing verses.  "Okay it seems like we have another one.  Everyone this is Teri."  There is a unanimous greeting of, “hello” from the audience to Teri.  "Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get started."  Sister Kelly grabs a seat and begins teaching. 

“Last week we discussed the importance of diligently seeking God.  On Tuesday, we discussed the importance of loving him.  Now we will tackle the importance of believing.  There are so many sermons on faith, but in order to have faith you have to believe—really believe, so we will begin with he beginning of believing.  Too many people think they believe, but their actions prove other wise.”  Sister Kelly looks even more serious. 

"I want everyone to close you eyes"  Once everyone's eyes are closed she says, "For example, the chair that you have just sat down on, did you have to pray or talk or combat opposing thoughts or use wishful thinking before you sat down just now?  No you did not.  You just sat down without giving it a thought.  You are so sure that the chair you are sitting on will hold you, you did not even take notice of the chair."  Sister Kelly stands up.

"With eyes still closed, I want everyone to picture the chair you are sitting on.  I want you to examine it thoroughly in your mind.  Look in the front, back, on top and underneath the chair."  Sister Kelly waits for two minutes.  Now raise your hand if you know that you are a total expert on the chair that you are sitting on."  No one raises their hand.  "Okay raise your hand if you will put all of your retirement money on the exact color of your chair."  No one raises their hand.  "hmmm, so you put your entire body at risk on an object that you really don't know." Sister Kelly pauses.

"Now open your eyes.  I want everyone to stand up."  Once everyone is standing, she adds, "Now I want you to study the chair you are sitting on.  I want you to really examine the chair and take special note of how you imagined the chair verses what the chair actually posses."  Teri stands up and looks at the chair.  She is so wrong about the chair, even the color is different than what she thought.  After looking at the back and underneath, Teri sits back down, but the thought of how wrong she is really sticks out in her mind. 

When everyone is finished and carefully sitting back down, Sister Kelly continues.  "I want you to understand just how much you believe and had faith in something you don't even know.  Think about that.  Really think about the fact that you possessed not even a shred of doubt, or disbelief yet you did not know the most obvious traits of the chair.  Internalize this information, and then turn to the book of John. 

Amazed at the thought of how much trust she has in something that she could not identify really caught Teri off guard.  She is usually so observant.  Still stunned she stands back up and quickly looks at the chair once again then sits back down and turns her bible to John.  Sister Kelly begins to teach about believing from the book of John.  Although Teri has heard some of the things that are being said before, she has never given too much thought to them.  But when the words come from Sister Kelly's mouth every word she says start to come to life as all of their imaginations jump to revealing conclusions.  The intensity in the room is extreme as everyone takes notes when they hear something they really liked or needed to hear.  The pens in everyone's hand are writing down their comments in triple speed trying not to miss her remarks as their observations and conclusions intertwine with her words.

"The chapters that I want you to read out loud are John 20 and 21.  I want you to read this chapter to the person next to you, and then I want that person who has listened to you read to then read the chapter to you.  And just in case you have not studied this book or are not familiar with these two chapters; these chapters are the last chapters of the book of John. By the time you get to the 21^st chapter, Jesus has already been crucified, resurrected and his disciples have seen and spoken to him.  Jesus has also shown them even more signs proving his divinity, in the last two verses in the 20^th chapter. 

Now in the 21^st chapter Jesus has come to his disciples one last time.  He cooks for them and reminds them yet again to go out and tell the world.  I want you to read and see what they spoke about.  Also please notice if they really believe and understand, because if they did you would expect a different type of conversation.  You can tell that they did not truly believe and understand what is about to happen.  You’ll see that even after all that they have actually experienced and encountered the disciples still have trouble believing.  When you read the first chapter of the book of Acts you will see that even after all of that, two angels still have to give the disciples a final little push.  These men have seen mighty works, experienced mighty works and even did mighty works and still they did not act like they truly believe.  So if they acted like this, what does that say about you and your walk with the lord?"

Everyone begins partnering up.  Ginny turns toward Teri and asks if she wants to read or listen first.  Teri wants to listen first just in case there are words that she does not know.  Agreeable, Ginny reads to Teri, once she is done, Teri reads her bible version to Ginny.  They both have different bible versions so it is interesting and helpful as they both get a better understanding of what is happening in the two chapters from the two different translation.

They have just gotten done when Sister Kelly begins speaking again.  "I want you to really think about just how much you really believe in God and Jesus.  That is this week's homework assignment.  In order to be saved you must believe; you have to really believe in Jesus Christ, so let's just make sure that we really do believe deep down.  Write this down in your homework section."  Sister Kelly pauses giving everyone time to get their homework notepads together, then she begins to speak slowly.

"Do I believe in Jesus the Christ?  How do I know that I believe in Jesus the Christ?  What actions do I display 1 verbally--in all that I say, 2 physically—in all of my actions, and 3 emotionally—in thoughts and in feeling?  How many times do I display my belief in Jesus the Christ daily, weekly, monthly, yearly?  I need to prove that I believe."  Sister Kelly repeats everything, two more times to make sure that everyone has a chance to write everything down.  "Like all homework assignments this is important, so make sure that you take time to really provide a personal response to all questions asks.  This assignment is vastly important, because this is a key foundational point."

Sister Kelly stands up and says, "Okay we are going to get ready to leave so that you can meditate and get a personal revelation on the things that was just said, and to get a head start on the homework.  Everyone stand and I will leave you with one final thought to help jump start your assignment."  Everyone stands up. 

"I want you to close your eyes again and let your imagination carry you away with this scenario.  I want you to picture a person that you really love, someone you completely trust, love and respect."  Sister Kelly pauses for a while.  "I want you to answer.  Can you see the person?"  Everyone answers yes.  Teri pictures her grandmother.

"Now I want you to imagine that this person comes to you in a very confidential and serious manner and tells you that yesterday they went outside and the sky was pink.  Then suddenly white rose petals started to fall from the sky like rain.  They picked up a petal and it dissolved in their hand.  They looked up again and the sky changed to the color purple then red rose petals started to fall.  Then the rose petals changed into green butterflies that played leap frog until they were are all gone.  Therefore, I do not want you to go outside today."  Sister Kelly pauses again as she reads the various expressions on their faces. 

"Now because you love them, really love them, you will not criticize them or call them crazy.  But if you really can not stay and they try to detain you, you will try to explain the situation without harming their character or making them feel bad for telling you what they believe.  You might even try to convince them that it was a dream.  Because of who they are and how much they mean to you, you will be loving and careful as you sensitively speak with them concerning what they have told you.  Now you love them but you do not really believe them."  Sister Kelly stops allowing her words to sink in.

"There is a difference between loving a person and believing in a person.  You say and confess that you love Jesus.  Yes, you may really love Jesus, but the question is not about love right now.  You must ask yourself do you really believe in him?  Most of you, when you ponder this thought, will recognize that you indeed do not really believe in him.  Don't worry!  Neither did his disciples.  After Jesus is resurrected, he has to ask Peter three times if he even loves him."  Sister Kelly says a prayer then states, "Now you can open your eyes."

Unlike most meetings Teri has attended at the church.  The ladies do not stay and talk, they packed up their things and leave with only a few, short goodbyes.  Sister Kelly also leaves out of the room and is talking to Deacon Kelly in the hallway.  Ginny starts to gather her things, when she is done she begins walking off, but she quickly comes back and gives Christopher a big hug says goodbye and is gone again.  Teri does the same, but when she walks pass Sister Kelly, she stops her conversation with her husband only to say that they meet every Tuesday and Thursday.

  The whole drive home Teri's mind is spinning and all she can say is "Wow!"  When she pictured her grandmother saying all of those crazy things to her really got to her.  Teri held Aida her grandmother in high esteem.  Aida is the one that took her mother and Teri in and made them feel at home.  She is also the one that gave Teri her first bible.  So to imagine her saying such outlandish things is bizarre. The overall feeling that she experienced during this imaginative journey really stands out in her thoughts.  As Teri imagined her grandmother saying those things, Teri immediately began trying to justify it.

As soon as Sister Kelly said the first white rose petals fell to the ground, Teri, quickly made them snow, then she decided that maybe her grandmother needed to put on her glasses, then Teri remembered her grandmother doesn’t wear glasses, a fact that Aida, was always so very proud of.  Immediately, Teri decided against the glasses, not wanting to go down that path neither.   The more the story changed the more it challenged her justification strategies.  By the time Sister Kelly said butterflies were hopping like frogs, Teri was frustrated, trying to come up with how the scene could be made correct. 

Because she loves her grandmother, Teri will make anything that she says justifiable.  She would never condemn her, making this exercise a very revealing one.  But when the story became more and even more peculiar, Teri found herself working overtime trying to make everything alright.  When Sister Kelly finally ended, Teri had her grandmother, standing at the front door with a blurry peek hole, a closed screen door on a snowy day that was windy, and blowing colorful leaves around.  This would have appeased her, however, there was still the matter that her grandmother believed all, of those things in the first place that still stumped Teri.  She finally had to shake her head to try to get rid of the whole scenario.  

If anyone else would have told her this story, Teri would laugh them to scorn, but just because it came from her grandmother that changed everything.  She did not believe the story, but for her Aida’s sake she would bend over backwards to make it fit and alright somehow.  The idea of loving someone verses believing a loved one, really takes hold of Teri’s thoughts as a very interesting notion.  Recognizing that although she might not believe the entire story, Teri will still try to make it all right because she loves her grandmother and not because she completely believes. 

By the time she reaches the house she quickly baths and puts Christopher to bed.  The whole time she is reorganizing her thoughts on the differences between her belief in a person vs. the love that she has for the person including the effects it all has.  Ultimately, she decides that when you love someone, but do not believe what they are saying, you justify it so much that you really do believe in a distorted way. 

This was blatantly evident with her high school boyfriend.  At 5’11 he was one of the tallest members of the team.  He was more agile than the other guy who was taller at 6’1.  He was named  MVP since he was such an awesome shooter and defensive player.  As one of the stars on the high school varsity basketball team, everyone knew that he would get a scholarship and play on a college team. 

His parents and Teri always talked about him becoming a professional player.  Although he did get a scholarship, when he made it to college his abilities and height did not make him stand out as much anymore.  He missed feeling like a star and began doing other things to help make up for how he felt.  His parents were shocked when he dropped out of school and began hanging around a more mischievous bunch of guys.  When Teri heard the news she was absolutely stunned, because she knew that he had all the makings of a great basketball player. 

A couple of years ago they bumped into each other and when Teri asked him why he had given up his basketball career, instantly his happiness to see her quickly weakened as he hugged her murmured under his breath and left.  Concerned, Teri ran after him and had him stop his car.  Because of the deep love that he always had for her, he stopped.  He always loved Teri, and understanding her concern, for the first time he talked about his true college experience.  He allowed his parents to believe that he was still a star, but the truth was that in high school, he was just a big fish in a little pool. 

He described how unimportant and lonely he felt and how no matter how hard he tried, he could not beat out several players for the starter positions.  He told Teri that the average NBA player is 6’7 and he was not even six foot.  He was a good shooter, but so was everyone else on the team.  His did play a good game but there was not a person on the team that could not play well.  For the first time he realized just how average he really was.  He no longer felt special, or was able to wow the coaches or his teammates.  When broken hearted tears of pain for him swelled up in her eyes, his demeanor softened as he stopped talking.  He gently touched her cheek, wiped off her tear and drove away.

That was the last time that she saw him, but her heart still aches for him.  Everyone loved him and expected for him to do so much with his life.  If he said that he wanted to cure cancer the whole school would have backed him.  He was truly a good guy with high hopes and big dreams.  So it really crushed Teri to see that he was not accomplishing anything.  Not until he told, did she really look at him, his skills and abilities compared to his dreams.   At that moment, for the first time, she finally realized the obvious--he was not NBA material!  It was so obvious but the love she felt blinded her to the facts.

She felt bad before, but now she really felt awful.  Their love for him distorted their belief in him, then their belief in him distorted their love.  As Teri relooked the situation through Sister Kelly’s words she recognized that his parents love for him creating a situation where he could do no wrong.  Since he really did want to achieve the goals that they set before him, that distorted their reality between what was actually happening and their belief.  When things changed and he no longer was able or wanted to accomplish the goal, his parents were not able to see the obvious, instead their loved changed into disappointment.

He could not achieve the dreams that everyone loved about him, and when he realized that everyone’s belief and love for him was not unattainable, he made himself scarce not wanting to achieve any other goals.  His fear of letting everyone down in any other aspect of his life was consuming, making him in constant need of comfort, which lead him to drugs and alcohol.  He decided that if he continued to try and continued to fail, then that would make him a failure and in essence a loser.  But if he just quit then his abilities would always be pondered in the, could of, would of, should of sort of way. 

He loved his parents and never wanted to see their love for him change so he stayed away from them, stopping by occasionally to borrow money.  He wanted his high school friends to remember him at his peak, so he rarely saw anyone or played basketball anymore.  He surrounded himself with new people who would daydream with him over his possibilities, but would never push him to actually achieve them.  No matter what anyone said or did, he consciously made himself invisible to others and himself, not wanting to hurt anyone else that he loves.

Instantly hurt as this realization consumes her, Teri immediately she goes straight to the kitchen and fixes herself something to eat.  Snacking on a banana while she waits for her food to warm up, Teri says a prayer for him and all others that have been caught in this distorted belief vs love reality.  When her food is finally done, she goes over to the table to study. 

Teri is about to sit down, but suddenly stops, turns around and takes a long look at the chair.  No wonder the disciples did what they did.  They loved Jesus, but they did not really believe him for a long time.  Then she sits down and begins to think about just how much she believes in what Jesus taught.  This really peaks her interests.  Deciding that she can look up everything that he taught and then make a decision case by case. 

Teri opens the bible and goes to Matthew ready to look up everything in red, but a strange thought suddenly stops her.  Before she looks up his teachings, first she will need to decide whether she even believes in Jesus in general.  This thought makes her lean back in her chair.  After Teri moved in with her grandmother she always attended church and was raised believing in God and Jesus.  Therefore, questioning this is painfully difficult because it is sort of ingrained in her.  ‘Of course I believe in Jesus,’ Teri thinks but then she remembers her homework assignment.  Do your actions really show that you live like you believe? 

Teri begins to think through her entire life judging her actions, and various thoughts against her belief in God.  In the end, Teri is distraught in her recognizing that she does not display total and real belief.  When situations will come up in her life, Teri will use all of her resources to fix it.  Only when she has done all that she can and she is still not able to get her desired result; then she will pray to God for a miracle.  She also uses her money for her own personal tastes.  Even when she gives to charitable things or needy people it usually is because she is guilted into it.  She never really allows God to have his total way in her life.

Although there are times that she does display acts of believing her overall actions are not consistent enough to honestly say that she really believes.  Since she can not give tons of proof that she is living like she really believes, Teri has to admit to herself that she does not.  Of course she attends church and prays, but it is not as consistent and persistent as it will be if she really believed.  She even fasted once.  Well actually it was such a bad experience she always tries to forget that whole matter.  The more that she thinks the less desirable she feels. 

Then she thinks about how people change when they know they are being watched.  People tend to work harder when the boss is around.  This thought made Teri question herself even further.  “No wonder she acts like she does in regards to prayer.”  Teri says out loud as she continues to think things through.  The reason why she does not pray as often as she should is because of the obvious.  When she does pray she does not always get what she is asking for, making her feel as if God is not always listening or around. 

She has tried the different things she has heard diverse men of God say, but nothing consistently worked.  A couple of times she tried to repeat a bible verse trying to get something and still sometimes she will get it and sometimes she will not.  Overall it has been frustrating!  Prayer therefore has become just another thing she tries, just like everything else.  Unlike the chair she is sitting on, she is not able to put total faith in prayer, because she never knows whether it will work or not. 

           Frowning, Teri thinks of how frustrating she feels when she does not get what she is praying for.  A specific time pops into Teri’s remembrance.  When she was younger she ran for a school office her last year before entering high school.  She passed out buttons, flyers and made several posters.  She prayed hard every night and even started praying throughout the day asking for the position.  In the end another person got the title she so desperately wanted.  Every since that experience her prayer life seemed to tamper off slightly. 

Teri never really realized just how important that incident has been to her prayer life.  Every time she does not get what she is desiring and praying for her pure uncontaminated faith subconsciously dwindles away and ultimately so did her total belief in God.  She continues to love Jesus, but his words do not hold the same weight as they have before.  Because she is so disappointed she silently withdraws her belief from God. 

Now that she thinks about it, Teri feels bad considering the person who did win ended up quitting, because the president and vice president were very competitive and they tried to blame their bad decisions on the person and position that Teri wanted.  For the first time; Teri realizes that she is better off not getting that position.  Since she did not get that position and did not have to deal with all of their drama, she had time to concentrate on her studies and a teacher pushed her toward the debate team, which she joined and ended up loving.  She even received a scholarship that helped pay for her college.

Teri is now amazed at just how much that one incident, that happened so long ago, made such an impact on her life.  Teri takes not of the type of person that she is with God.  Embarrassed about her decision to trust God only when she receives what she wants, Teri lowers her head and judgmentally shakes it in disapproval.  What type of person only likes someone when they get what they want and leave them when they don't?  Teri repents and begins to pray and give God thanks for his love for her and for helping her despite her lack of cooperation.  God has blessed her and instead of thanking Him, since she did not get what she thinks she wants, Teri has blinded diminished her trust and belief in Him. 

Despite Teri’s obviously diminished perception of God, she still knew that she still needed divine help at times.  Whenever things get to a point where, it does not matter what you do, what will happen, will happen, Teri recognized the divine element.  For that reason, God was still helpful throughout her life.  Therefore, Teri continued to serve her divine help, but instead of really allowing God to be God, she started to help him along. 

When things did not go as she thinks they should she would provide thorough excuses for God, or accepting any excuses anyone will throw out.  This also made Teri do everything within her power to get things done without relying on God.  God had become the last option, and prayer was a way of begging and pleading and wishing and hoping for the best to turn out okay.  And when it will work she will give God the credit as if God needed her help.  Like many women who falls in love and tries to help an ignorant man, she was doing the same, giving God credit for her work. 

No wonder Teri treated God the way she did.  She was trying to pacify him like many women do with their husbands; do most or all of the work yet giving Him the credit, praising him in hopes of getting something, pretending like her great ideas are really his ideas and telling Him something that is obvious over and over again, like ‘I need help to do this or that’.  Teri has been treating God like a dysfunctional relationship. When you don't really believe in the capabilities of a loved one, you try to strengthen their handicaps.  Teri understood that this logic of treating God like he has handicaps is foolish because He does not have handicaps and really can do the impossible. 

This is the first time that Teri notices the type of spiritual person she is.  She is creating her own God and the distressing part is the fact that her God needed her help, is not powerful, not trustworthy, not capable, doesn’t listen or even able to provide and take care of her.  Teri has a very weak and pathetic God.  Teri stands up as this thought overpowers her and she begins to pace as she tries to reorganize her thoughts. 

Memories resurface and she watches them play.  She watches various scenes where she has made excuses after excuse and gave reasons after reasons for God.  When they are finished they close in their new proper locations—most ended up in the ‘Excuses for no reasons bin.’  Not only has she given her God her credit, she also has taken credit that really didn’t belonged to her.  Teri stops pacing and puts her hands over her eyes.  It is time for her to remove the God she has created and time to allow the real true God time to reign in her life.

She goes back to the table and writes down all of the ways that she gives God credit in her life.  By the time she finishes she has three and a half, full pages.  Then she writes the things that God did in her life that she always gives him credit for and she only has half a page.  This huge difference startles her making, Teri start over and replay things to make sure that she is giving the correct credit in the proper place and as she breaks things down she realizes that she did not give God credit for certain aspects of what she felt she has accomplished.

Now when she writes down the things that she can give God credit for, her paper is now a full sheet.  She has taken Gods credit and ignored Gods help in several instances.  Baffled by her obvious misplacements and oversights Teri stares at the paper.  How can she not have noticed what God is doing for her?  Like her current job; she gives herself credit for getting the job because of her accomplishments and her new style of resume.  But she was applying for a lesser position. 

When she came in for an interview the hiring manager said that she got her resume by mistake but her qualifications are perfect for a position she has just posted.  Jane the hiring manager complimented her on her resume and her various accomplishments.  So of course Teri felt a the time that she had gotten the job herself, but she had been looking for a higher paying job for months—5 months to be exact, and this was one of only a handful of interviews that she was called in for.  So the likelihood of her resume being so outstanding was slim.  God gave the resume to Jane and made Teri’s resume stand out to her!