"Hello Teri," she hears his smooth southern voice say her name and instantly she melts. She tries to think of what she can do or at least say to help her. Since she has not heard his voice in so long she was able to forget his face and anything good about him. But the pleasant-sounding tone of his deep familiar voice immediately makes her drool. He is the finest man she has ever touched.
"Hello Jason" she responds trying to sound calm. She is always so excited to hear his voice and he knows it. He use to tease her about how he can make her act inebriated just by calling her. Because she will get all excited, she would ultimately stutter over her words, speaking about so many topics she didn't make sense. Therefore, Teri has to hold her tongue to make sure that she speaks clearly, she does not want him to get any satisfaction from their conversation today.
"How are you and Christopher doing?" He asks. She can hear the sincere concern in his voice. Calmly she replies "fine." There is a brief silence. Then he continues. "I guess, you're not going to make this easy for me. You know that I want to see Christopher and that I still love you. I don't like how things have been between us, but you also know it is for the best." He keeps talking but as soon as he says it is for the best she can no longer hear a word he is saying. All she can think about is all the years that she has given him and how can he do this after all she has done for him. Irritated she feels sick with anger and hurt. She doesn't want to hear his excuses; all she wants to know is when is his funeral going to be so she can miss it claiming she has a prior engagement with a negligible task.
"I can't do this right now Jason, I am right in the middle of cooking dinner. I have to go." She hangs up the phone and walks away. She can not help but hope that the phone will ring again with his apologies; she walks back to her chair slowly. Looking back at the paper then slowly turns away. How can she go from hot to cold so quickly? Whenever she watches scenes like this in movies, Teri is always quick to judge women who acted like this. "I am acting like the woman who runs with high heels on in the woods and then falls so the killer can get her," she says to herself aloud.
Frustrated she goes to the refrigerator and heats herself up some leftovers. As she eats, she thinks about who she is verses who she thinks she will be. Since she is still in thought when she finishes eating she goes to the freezer and scoops out some ice cream. No matter how much she thinks about it, Teri can not figure out why she is acting the way she does or even how she became this person.
She use to blame Jason for all of her shortcomings especially since they were having so many difficulties in their marriage, but now she isn't so sure. She is so up and down--happy then sad, then angry then depressed. She just isn't' able to keep her emotions under control. Inside of her head this battle is constant and fierce. She feels bipolar not able to keep her sanity long enough. Completely irritable she goes back to the freezer for more ice cream. Instead of trying to figure it out anymore, Teri just zones out and eats, then goes to bed.
That was Jason’s last attempt to call her. By the time Friday comes around Teri is tired. When she wakes up she feels a little better knowing that at least she will have the weekend. But she still has to force herself to get them both ready. Dropping little Christopher off she makes it to work exactly on time. As soon as she walks through the doors, Teri can tell something is wrong. When she gets to her desk she checks her voice mail. There is going to be a company meeting at
Two long time reps came by and told her that they hear that the company is bought again and that they are all going to be fired. The idle behavior around the building is very unproductive. Unsure of what is going to happen Teri starts to get her things together. Making copies of important documents that display her work and saving presentations on disks. She sent her larger documentations to her personal email accounts.
While everyone else is chatting away near their desks and in the hallways, she begins working on her resume. Considering yesterdays epiphany, Teri decides to redesign her resumes look and layout. She works right through her normal lunch break. She goes to the communal printer before making any copies to make sure that there are no large print jobs going through. Her section is empty. Everyone who can leave for lunch has. She checks the printer and it is not even on. She turns it on and makes sure there is paper inside. Although it isn't empty the paper is low so she goes below and pulls out a stack of paper. When she comes back up she sees the President walking the CFO right passed her.
She is startled and drops the paper, which makes them notice her. There are several managers and the executive board looking at her. She quickly gathers the papers, put them in the printer, and walks away. Everyone looks so serious; she does not want to be there. She hides in her cube not wanting to print her resume and cover letter and not sure if she should leave. She quickly begins working she even prints her best work just in case someone checks or pops in.
This is a good move because they walked right passed her and her manager hands her the documentation she has printed off. Teri just smiles, and says thank you and continues to work. As soon as she hears them leave Teri gathers her things and leaves for a long lunch to calm his nerves. When she finally comes back to her desk after an hour and a half lunch break Teri feels revitalized, especially since she came back with ice cream in her hands. Why ice cream always makes her feel better despite the calories, she didn't know or even cares to analyze. She is really happy, and that is all that mattered!
A couple of co workers are standing near her cube talking. As she sits back in her chair, enjoying her specialty tube of ice cream she listens to the conversation. When she is done she does a little work. Before all of this happened everyone was usually so busy that even small talk was centered around work. But for the last few weeks everyone have been getting more personal in their conversations. It became quite clear this is the case, when coworkers who have worked together for years will say, ‘I didn't know that.’ Even though the company appears to be breaking apart the actual people are getting closer.
Eventually Teri jumps into their conversation to discuss her opinion on home schooling. The conversations around the building are becoming more heart felts and less political as the time grew closer and closer to
When the president stands and starts to walk over to the podium, instantly the room becomes very quiet and an uneasy feeling rests on everyone’s shoulders. The sound system is not working correctly, making the maintenance crew quickly get up to fix the problem. One woman feels so sick that she has to excuse herself and go to the bathroom to relieve herself. After five minutes of messing with the microphone and cords they are able to get everything fixed.
The company president stands back up and goes to the microphone. With a solemn expression he greets everyone. "First I'd like to thank everyone for your hard work and dedication. Your commitment and loyalty has kept us afloat. However, as everyone already knows we have been working in the red for quite some time. This is the reason why we allowed the company to be bought out in hopes of salvaging the business.
Well the good news is that we will stay in business. Nonetheless, we will be a much smaller and tighter unit. This means there will be a company wide reorganization. If anyone is close to retirement in 1-3 years and would like to take it early, please speak with HR. Also we will have a compensation package set up based on years of service. We will like to start with volunteers. HR will be holding meetings with each department to discuss your options. This should be happening in the next couple of weeks. Within a couple of months we will have the reorganization in place." Then he continued with the, "your service to the company has been valuable" speech before stepping down to let the HR director speak.
She let every department know when they should expect to have their meeting. Of course their personal meetings are set up alphabetical. So Teri will find out her possible package toward the end. While she is speaking Teri can not help but to think of all of the extra effort and time that she has put into the company, just for them to herd everyone together like cattle for a slaughter. Why do they always do this on Fridays so that the weekend can be ruined? Well this time, Teri decided to not even think about it until her meeting with HR.
As soon as everyone is done speaking, Teri immediately leaves. She did not want to chit chat with anyone! This is the weekend and she is going to enjoy it. As soon as she picks up Christopher and stops by a restaurant to eat, she heads for the church. Teri is happy to go to the church and feels good that these Friday group meetings are around. Fridays are pretty lonely when you know that when you finally finish and have time to do the things that get neglected all week, but there is no one to share it all with.
As soon as she walks in everyone greets her and several ladies warmly smile and come over and hug her. With each hug her spirits are lifted up more and more. She sits next to Ginny and they talk until Sister Kelly comes in. Immediately everyone gets prepared. When Sister Kelly sits down, Sheryl calls out, "Okay you have to continue where you left off. I have been waiting all week for this. I can also remind you where you left off." Sheryl points to her tape recorder, then looks around, and in agreeance a couple of ladies shout, “Tell God on the men!” There is cheering and laughter then Sheryl adds with less enthusiasm, “You also said to concentrate on working on ourselves." Happily she sits back down.
Sister Kelly looks around the room to read everyone's expression. "Just like I thought," she said shaking her head. "You did not fully grasp what I was saying. So we are going to go back up and then I'll open it up for questions on what I am saying to make sure that this time everyone gets it." She stands up. "Okay ladies, one of the biggest mistakes that we make is that we fight against our men, when we should be praying for them and building ourselves up.
For example has anyone in here ever been a cheerleader?" Scattered hands rise up throughout the audience. "I ask you this, if you are cheering at a small game on a sport that hardly anyone goes to and see that your team is not only losing but has proven in past games that they are going to lose badly; are the cheerleaders suppose to leave during halftime? Are the cheerleaders suppose to start heckling their team or cheer for the other side?” Sister Kelly pauses then says, “The answer is no! Of course not, they are suppose to give their all to cheer on the team, no matter what. No matter how bad the team does, the cheerleaders job is to cheer, support and rally up others to do the same.”
Sister Kelly stands in the middle front of the room and continues, “Do the cheerleaders expect the crowd to ignore the winning team they are cheering for and only concentrate on them? If the team is losing do the cheerleaders go over to the players and tell them what to do? The answer is no!” Not sure that everyone understands the points she is getting across, Sister Kelly tries another approach.
“I want everyone to close your eyes and picture a game. You're the head cheerleader. You can also imagine that you have the perfect body in one of those skimpy outfits if you like." This remark makes people laugh. "Now everything is right, there is a packed crowd and the clock is ticking away and it is getting close to being finished. Everyone is there to watch the game; the cheerleaders are enhancing the game and providing heightened excitement cheering, while two good teams battle for the championship. Of course your team is ahead by a couple of points.
Then a mistake is made and the other team gets a point. It happens again and again until the other team has an advantage. As head cheerleader, do you throw down your pom poms and stomp over to the team and tell the players and the coach off. Or better yet, instead of telling them off, you get put on a team jersey and get into the game and start playing. Imagine that! I want everyone to see just how absurd this is.” Sister Kelly waits allowing everyone’s imagination to run away with the scenario before she continues.
“This picture looks silly! If you do anything outside of cheering you are indeed out of place! Now open your eyes. Does everyone now see what I am saying? You have a position and anytime you do anything, even when you think it is helpful that is outside of your position, you are out of place. Cheerleaders provide an upside to any downturns; they are not there to get cheered for. They are there to do the cheering.
You my darling dears are the cheerleaders. Stop trying to take from the show and do your job. Don't be a whining, needed, self-centered cheerleader, or an overbearing, attention seeking cheerleader. Do your job, cheer for the team—essentially your husbands and family. Uplift your team. Strive for your team’s success with confidence, joyous and uplifting spirits, smiles, and cheer on your praises with a loud commanding voice. Right now you are to be like a cheerleader. Supporting your team with everything that you’ve got. So stop wanting the players to stop the game and cheer you on. Stop wanting all the attention to be on you. Your time will come.”
Sister Kelly clasps her hands behind her and waits while her words sank in. "Any questions that you'd like to ask?" Immediately eight women stood up anxious to be called on. "Okay we will go Front right to front left then the next row starting on the right, until my time expires." Everyone sits down except the first person on the right.
"My question is simply, what am I suppose to be doing if I'm not married?" Sister Kelly smiles. "Beloved, it is the same for you. Your husband that you need to be cheering, praising in a loud commanding voice is Jesus! You still need to be vocal about your husband." She grins nods and sits down. Sister Kelly then asks, "Next question."
"Well you said our time will come, when is that time?" Others nod and murmur their aggreeance. Sister Kelly laughs. "I should have known that will be the burning question. Well in the scenario regarding being a cheerleader, I will have that question answered by another cheerleader. Anyone who has ever been on a varsity cheer squad please stand up. Several ladies stand. Everyone starts laughing when the person who asked the question also stood. When Sister Kelly notice her standing, she even has to chuckle.
"Okay, for everyone who is standing, is there ever a time that cheerleaders ever have a crowd cheering them on?" They all say yes. "And when does this happen?" They all state various cheerleading tournaments and competitions. "So there are specific and various times when the attention will be on the cheerleaders. Ladies, there will be times that the focus and attention will be on you. Don't worry! In each one of your lives, you will know when the focal point will be concentrated on you. Don't fret over it. Your time will come and you and everyone else will know it and yes you will also have a cheer squad applauding you along. You may all sit down now." When everyone sits down Sister Kelly add, "Did that answer your question?" She puts her head in her hands in embarrassment and nods. The woman next to her put her arm around her and pulls her close as they both laugh.
"Next question, please." A woman stands up but does not say anything. After a while Sister Kelly says, "Do you not remember what you were going to ask, or are you trying to make sure that you are not going to ask a question that you should already know the answer to.” The woman starts laughing and says, "That's exactly what I'm doing, I just want to make sure that the question doesn't have an obvious answer." Everyone starts laughing.
Sister Kelly motions for her to sit back down. "Ladies, I know and understand your concerns. But what you need to realize is that so many questions that you have, you already have an answer to within yourself if Jesus is in you. The real problem and question is that you don’t like the answer God has already given you. Most people block out the answers looking for an alternative solution. It is easy to ask outside of yourselves, but remember you have the truth in you and the truth through Jesus shall set you free. So lets have fellowship time. I made some lasagna, and an extremely large pot of spaghetti, it is in the kitchen so anyone who is hungry, please eat, and take some home to your loved ones. Remember you are all sisters in the lord so encourage each other.
Sister Kelly walks off and leaves. Everyone starts to chat and heads toward the kitchen. Teri stay there, enjoying every moment for over four hours. On her drive home, she can not believe just how much fun she had. They didn't do much, just sat around eating and talking. It was really nice talking, hanging out, and letting Christopher play with so many children. Everyone is so nice; Teri regrets talking about them and not hanging out with them before.
When she gets home she lays Christopher down in his bed. He has played himself right on to sleep. She puts the plates of spaghetti they insisted she take into the fridge and sits down on the coffee table and opens up her bible and notebook. With everything that is happening to her, she does not have any time to waste. She needs a miracle.
After looking back over her notes, Teri put her hands in the prayer position placing her thumbs under her chin and rests her chin on her thumbs. Her mouth is pressed on her index fingers as she thinks. In order to obtain anything she has to believe—really believe. But how can she get that untainted belief and faith back, after all she has experienced. She believes Jesus died for her, because he loves her, but then again how can she really know that there even is a Jesus considering she never met him. How can she make herself believe when she has not even seen him?
If this question was concerning her grandmother she would have had the chance to talk to her while she was alive and Teri could talk to her until she believed. Then she thinks about it for a moment. Actually, how would she believe an amazing story from her grandmother? If it is really outrageous like Sister Kelly was describing. She will probably try to kindly talk her out of it. Finally Teri puts her head down on the table and closes her eyes as she thinks through belief and love again.
She is almost asleep when she remembers how her grandfather told her a story about the time he had just gone out fishing on the lake by their house, when he saw a rough looking man with a shotgun coming toward his house. Although he was in the middle of the lake, he said he jumped in the water and made it to the house before the man had a chance to enter into the kitchen where his wife is cooking. Her grandfather throws open the door with his shotgun in hand and has the barrel of the gun touching the back of the guys neck causing both the guy and his wife to scream. The guy puts his hands up and drops to his knees. His wife quickly goes to her husband and explains that this is the plumber they called earlier.
Whenever her grandfather would tell that story, Teri always smiled in amazement. Ever since he told his 11 year old granddaughter this tale of heroism, Teri decided that she needed a man that will protect her like that. And that is one of the top reasons why she would always compare her boyfriends to him. Actually, she is still holding her husband against that memory. It always bothered Teri, to know that her husband just did not care enough to save her like that.
But now that she is putting her thoughts through a magnifying glass lens; for the first time Teri notices the odd discrepancies in the story. The most blaring is the fact that her grandfather does not know how to swim. If he did not know how to swim then why would he jump into the lake instead of rowing the boat? Actually, this fact is one of the major reasons why her grandfathers story has always been so amazing to her. He risked it all to save her grandmother. But, now that she thought about it, if he did not know how to swim, why would his first reaction be to put himself in danger? Another obviously questionable act is, if he is in the middle of the lake, how can he have gotten there so quickly? Where did he have the shotgun that he was able to get it so quickly? And how did he see the man from the middle of the lake. The more Teri thinks, the more she realizes that there are several things within his story that does not add up.
For the first time she questioned her grandfathers favorite stories. When she relooks at it in a way that makes more logical sense Teri lifts her head and laughs. No wonder Jesus said unless we are like children. They just believe! She just believed the story her grandfather told her and did not question the validity of anything. If he said it, then it must be true. How can she get to a point like that with Jesus? If her grandfather told her that story today, she probably will believe him, but she would also know that he was also exaggerating. If she will not totally believe her grandfather today, a man that she can see, knows and loves, how can she blindly believe in someone she can not see, or has ever met?
The thought of not believing made a chill run down her spine. She became a Christian at eleven, when she and her mother went to live with her grandparents after her father left them. Her grandparents took them in, loved them and introduced her to Jesus. It was an uplifting experience, even her mother seemed to be much happier now that her father was away and they were going to church. So Christianity and going to church was installed in Teri at an early age. She has friends in the church, her mother met her step father in the church, she was able to be in their church wedding and Teri always feels secure at church and praying.
The thought of not believing in God and losing such an important foundation in her life, made Teri frown up, making her feel physically ill. She has always recognized the importance of the church in her life and several of her various happy memories that are grounded in the church. Teri felt distraught because if would hear that fishing story from her grandfather now, she would automatically know that he is probably exaggerating.
Well what if this is also true about Jesus. What if things that she has heard is an exaggeration and not completely true? Maybe he was just a good person who tried to help others like a doctor, but he only healed a few people, but his disciples exaggerated the story. Maybe that is why they did not really believe in him. How can she be sure? She can't speak to her grandparents since they has both passed away. So now what? All of these years she held the fishing story true until now, and she started believing in God around the same time, although her pure belief in Jesus was transfigured a long time ago.
She believed in Jesus, but when she did not get what she wanted or thought that she wanted, it changed her belief in God. God is still somewhat real to her, but God is not really all that powerful anymore. Or maybe he is all powerful, but he did not always listen. Or maybe he listened he just didn't always hear her. Or maybe he heard but just did not want her to have it. Excuse after excuse comes through her mind as she tries to think things through. The more she thinks about it, the more muddy things become.
Teri finally decides that everything about Jesus and God can really be a farce, which leaves an emptiness that is consuming. Although she does not really like this idea, Teri does not want to be caught up in another twisted belief vs love triangle. Flustered, Teri gets up and goes over to her computer and gets onto the Internet. At her job, she does research to provide answers for reps to help the customers with their product and some technical questions. And if she does not have the answer she will research it until she has something to give them. So she decides to do this to get a firm answer.
Instead of trying to find out if there is a God or not, Teri decides to research the proof of Gods existence--since Jesus is suppose to be God’s son. First she needs to know if Jesus was real. So she types in ‘Jesus Christ, proof, existence" she reads several of the findings, including an article from an atheist group. Nothing stands out to her. She tries more searches using different keywords. Then she tries looking up four other famous people: Gandhi, Buddha, Aristotle and George Washington. With each search her question became deeper and deeper. What proof is there that proves without a shadow of a doubt that any of these men existed? Their teachings are still alive but did they really exist? And if they did live how much has been exaggerated.
The conundrum of the question and the various things she is reading is very interesting. These men really made an impact on their society in their day and what they did continues to live on today. She is amazed at how dedicated these men were. Many of the results from her internet searches, commemorates and analyzes their great works, thoughts and discusses the affects of their life, but none prove their existence. After reading the 17th result she rolls her eyes. It is obvious that these people existed, but still not sure about how much is exaggerated what proof did she really have that can also be used for Jesus? They are so infamous that they in a sense still live today. Their ideas are still alive. She keeps reading and searching wanting a blaring pattern or answer.
Finally she sits back and rubs her eyes. Why dispute a mans existence if his very thoughts and ideas are still alive today? Then she goes back and starts looking up evidence of Jesus. His ideas are obviously still alive today just like those other men. Then she notices something. All of the men have references. The bible is the reference for Jesus. But then she notices that Jesus is even apart of the Muslim belief. Shocked Teri sits back in her chair and stares at the computer screen as she reads about him and his Asar’s according to the Qur'an. Jesus does not just exist in Christianity!
"Wow," she says out loud. "I did not know this," although they call him Prophet Isa, but that is not the point. The point is that Jesus, just like the other great men, must have existed. He is so powerful, that he influenced many people from diverse cultures, and religions. This thought uplifts her spirits. There are at least two different religions speaking about him and his great works. He is mentioned in at least two different reference books. The more she thinks about it the more excited she becomes. Teri has to stand up and do a little dance. She finally has a break through to her question. When she sits back down, she laughs at how excited and relieved she feels over the news.
Now the next big question is the validity of Jesus’ story and his major reference--the bible. She types in a couple keywords and when the search results appear, Teri decides she would rather celebrate her good news. Jesus is not a fairy tale or an imaginary person. He was alive and did such great things that people all over the world know of him and include him in their traditions and belief systems. She gets up and makes herself a small banana split. Treasuring each bite, she turns on and listens to the book of Matthew. Now when she hears the name Jesus, she receives a slight tingling feeling. When she finishes her banana spit, she decides that since she has done so much work and the fact that the banana that she cut in half will probably go bad by morning that she should just make herself another banana split.
Immensely happy, she sits back and listens to five more chapters. The story seem to come to life to her as she pictures him being born and performing such miraculous deeds. Even when she is done eating she continues to just sit there and listen. Everything seems to come to life to her. She becomes so involved in the story that she begins talking to her media center. She is very upset with King Herod, when John the Baptist is beheaded, Teri cuts off the tape muttering her utmost disproval.
While she gets ready for bed, she continues to discuss how awful it is that John died because of Herodias and her daughter. Teri goes on and on about how evil she is, and how dumb Herod is. She lays her head on her pillow and says, "No dance is that great that another man has to die for it—what an idiot!" Then she drifts off to sleep.
She wakes up well rested. She goes in to see how Little Christopher is doing. He is up and playing in his crib. She picks him up and showers him with kisses. They go downstairs and she makes them both breakfast while he watches the public television shows that she approves of and has recorded. She changes his diaper, feeds him and then eats. Then she puts him back in his play area and does the dishes. Feeling good she decides to listen to another book of the bible. Not wanting to listen to the crucifiction, she puts in the book John but since she does not rewind the tape it starts close to the same scene as the book of Matthew. Sighing she continues picking up around the house. Starting the washer and folding up some clothes that have been laying around and was not folded up from the last wash, which was around two weeks ago.
Now that it is just the two of them, she is able to get the house back in order in no time. Fighting off the urge to celebrate with some more ice cream, she gets herself and the baby ready so that they can run some errands. Teri is just about to leave when the phone rings. Walking over and looking at the caller id--it is Jason. She frowns grabs the rest of Christopher's things, and puts them in the diaper bag. She is starting to feel agitated because she is listening to Jesus being betrayed by Judas. Upset, she hears the phone ring again. She walks over and looks at the caller id again. Shaking her head at his persistence, she picks up Little Christopher, turns off the tape and leaves the house.
She is strapping him in when she feels a tap on her shoulder. Startled she hits her head on the top of the car. Pulling her body out of the car Teri is face to face with her soon to be ex husband. Completely unprepared to see him, she just stares at him, still surprised. She has not decided how she is planning on responding to him yet. She doesn’t even have any sly remarks up her sleeve to hurt him just in case he makes her mad.
"So you’re not answering my phone calls anymore. Is this where we are now? You knew I was calling and you chose to just ignore it." He starts in a very accusatory tone. Jason looks refreshed and well groomed with a fresh hair cut. He has even trimmed his mustache. He is looking exceptionally good except for the frown on his face. "Teri, why are you trying to keep me away from my son? He shouldn't have to suffer just because we can not keep it together."
Angry, Teri closes the backseat door and steps back away from him. "Excuse me! Who gives you the right to come up her and speak to me like you're my equal partner? Who died and made you co parent. You've been gone, with no contact and now you want to act like I am a villain." She looks him in his eyes and says, "If you cared, this would not have been your first attempt to see him, and you would have been helping out more than just a phone call."
Turning about, she starts getting into the car when he grabs her arm. Instantly she pulls her arm back and steps away from the car. Although he did not hurt her or grab her in a malicious way, that is not the point. "Jason, you can't just come here making any demands. You need to rethink what you want and realize, just like I had to, that you just can't get everything you want when you want it." She steps back toward the car and continues.
"You obviously forgotten in our brief separation, so let me remind you. I am not one of the little chicks you have been hanging around with." She gets into the car and starts it. He stands there with anger in his eyes. Teri rolls down the window and states. "Your momma's son better not ever touch my momma’s daughter again or your momma's son will soon be sorry, because your momma will soon be crying at your mommas’ son’s funeral!" She backs out of the driveway and abruptly drives off.
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