She takes him around the house and they read the various notes. Little Christopher really enjoys this. He points at the various scriptures and tires to mimic his mother. They have deep conversations about the scriptures. Teri laughs as she pretends to understand and respond to Christopher when he keeps pointing at a certain verse, speaking to it and looking at her like he is really telling her something important. Finally they end in her bedroom. They both lie down and discuss the drawing. Christopher beams when he sees the drawing and begins to explain his thoughts. They do this until they both fell asleep.
When Teri wakes up she stretches and feels little Christopher's body cuddled up beside her. She looks into his absolutely sweet and adorable face and knows that this picture perfect moment is a treasured memory that she will have to store away. One day he will be older and will not want to just be with her. Taking full advantage, she stays there kissing him, caressing his little lovable features, and capturing the moment. He continues to sleep, making her kiss him even more. However, after around the 50th kiss, it must have been enough, because he wakes up. Immediately he points to the picture and begins talking to it again.
Since he is up, she sits up grabs him and squeezes him tight. At first he hugs her back. But the obvious tender moment of joy she is feeling, he is not feeling the need to draw it out like she is. So he begins pushing her away. When she lets him go, he quickly scoots off of the bed and starts to head for his own room to get to some of the toys he saw in his crib, but can't reach when he is in there. He is already leaving her to follow his own missions.
Teri shakes her head as she watches him go. ‘I am trying to have a special moment with him and he chooses his room over me already. I'm glad I took full advantage of it while he was still sleeping.’ She thinks as she gets out of the bed to follow him. Teri feels refreshed and full of energy. She checks on Christopher who is pulling down his large-sized cushioned blocks trying to get to the 20' inch teddy bear sitting on top. From his doorway, she watches as everything tumbles down on him. He gets back up from his fall, pushes the blocks away and grabs the bear, dragging it over to his crib.
Teri leaves him in there; he is trying to put the bear in his crib. As Teri walks toward the bathroom she questions within herself whether she should keep setting up the foam blocks and placing the bear on top, when Christopher keeps pulling everything down. Inside the bathroom, she takes a quick shower and for the first time in a long time, she really does her hair. It takes her so long, that Christopher comes in to her. She finishes up by putting on her favorite purple sweat pants and cozy pink sweatshirt.
Happily she goes down the stairs turns on the television and goes to the refrigerator. She prepares them another snack and pulls out some ground beef, defrosts it for dinner, then sits down lounging around as she and Christopher eat and watch television. They watch two children's programs and a movie, then she flips through her many channels but is not able to find anything worth watching. Usually she would have just watched the best of nothing, but instead she turns it off and plays the book of Exodus in her tape player.
She goes and gets her bible and sits Christopher on her lap as they listen to the tape, following along with it. This amuses Christopher. He puts his hands on top of hers while they follow along. Caught up in what the bible is saying, Teri starts commenting on all of Moses challenges. Little Christopher, however, continues to scroll his hands over the words. Soon he becomes too excited and begins laughing and hitting the bible. Intrigued in the story Teri keeps listening, until she hears ripping. Christopher has successfully ripped off several half pages of her bible. Upset, she immediately puts him off of her lap and loudly scolds him angrily.
Astonished he looks up at her hurt. Pouts his lips and bellows out a cry of pain. Recognizing that he did not understand what happened, she tires to pick him up, but he falls to the floor. Understanding, she bends down and picks him up. He hides his eyes in his chubby little fingers. Teri kisses him and squeezes him tight. Immediately Christopher responds by and hugging her back. Now that he is calm she shows him the bible and calmly explains how he should not rip paper, especially in books and especially the bible and most importantly not her bible.
Christopher looks intensely into her eyes as if considering her words carefully. He looks so cute she kisses him again, then puts him down, while she tries to fix the pages. She grabs some tape and lines the pages up, putting them back together. Christopher watches carefully and even tries to assist her in her efforts. When she finishes—despite his help, she tells him good job, then goes into the kitchen to fix a quick meal for them to eat.
It isn't until she is putting Christopher to bed that she notices how peaceful her day has turned out. She has spent some real good quality time with Christopher, and even had the chance to get some sleep. Usually she wakes up still tired, but that two and a half hour nap was the most reviving nap she has had in a really long time. Then she remembers Jason stopping by. She had really forgotten about him. Then she remembered going over her budget. "Wow!" she thinks. "I guess my day is not as peaceful as I thought." Not wanting to recapture the feelings those two memories possess she goes back downstairs to watch television.
She turns it on and goes to the kitchen for a snack. Teri does not want to deal with those two subject matters, but they are now on her mind. "Why did I have to remember that? I was doing so well." She says to herself as she sits on the couch and loses herself in several shows. After two hours she gets up to get something to drink. She is pouring herself a small glass of orange juice when some spills. Getting a napkin from the table she notices her bible and notebook. After cleaning up her mess, she decides to do some more soul searching. If she really wants a change in her life, then she has to do whatever it takes to make her life better.
She turns off the television after finishing the last show she was watching. Walking slowly to the table with no real enthusiasm and sits down, her mind is still on the show and the television. Debating whether she should just continue to watch a couple more shows until she feels like doing some more studying. Frustrated she rolls her eyes, "Why is everything such a battle?" She finally says aloud looking up.
"Why am I constantly fighting? I have always been a concise, neat, well-organized person, and now all I do is battle. I am so bipolar! I am tired of this!" Frustrated she stands up and continues, "I'm hungry, but I shouldn't eat. I want to tell Jason off, or better yet, hurt him like he hurt me, but I shouldn't. I want to spend more time on my house, hobbies and my child but I can't. I want to keep my job, but who knows where that is going. I am always dealing with both sides of the spectrum. I can't just pick a side and stay there. I am depressed and feeling low one minute then high strung and angry the next. I am a tidal wave of emotions. I am so sick and tired of this."
Pacing in the living room, she puts her fingers on the top sides of her face, stops and closes her eyes. "I have a war going on in my mind! Watch television or read, go out with friends or stay home and take care of Christopher, drink or pray, eat or starve, go out or go to church, read an interesting book, or read the bible. I have so many choices; I don't know what I should do. If my life is going well, then I would not have to be so upset about my choices, but since, I am having such a hard time, I am not sure which choices are making my life so hard. So I keep questioning both sides." Flustered, Teri sits on the floor.
"God, I really want my life to be better. I want to be better. I am really willing to do what I need to, to make my life better." Instantly, she starts to think about what can happen to her if God really changes her life into a sainthood existence. "Actually God, I am willing, but I need to take baby steps. I don't want to be hung on a cross or burned alive or anything. I…" the more she thinks about what she is saying the more she starts to stumble over her words. "Well I want….I want….." Instantly Teri recognizes that she does want radical positive changes that benefit her life, but she does not really want to make all the necessary sacrifices or have her life turning upside down to get them. When this realization settles in, she continues to just sit there.
Now what? What should she do knowing that her requests are absolutely self-driven? How can she ask God to help her, her way, in her time, the way she wants, regardless of how it affects anyone else including God? Personally, she would not even give a list like that to Santa Claus, so how can she be acting like this with God? Hanging her head down, she just quietly sits there, not sure of what she should do. "I'm sorry God! I am acting like a spoiled brat. I am so sorry!" No wonder she is on such an up and down rollercoaster. It is all about her. Just like a child, it is all about her.
Feeling convicted she just sits there when she remembers the story of Moses she was listening to earlier. After they left
Looking over her notes she sees that she had decided that Jesus did exist and walked on this earth. Now she has to decide if she really believes he is so great. Did he really do all those great things she always hears about? Teri remembers listening to her grandmother reading and explaining the bible to her before she went to bed. All those times she went to church, listening to the preachers speak about how much Jesus loves us. There is so much she has to explore. But it all boils down to does she believe he is the person she always hears about.
The obvious question that she has to tackle is his disciples. These men all died proclaiming that he is who he said he is. And several other people died proclaiming he is who he said he is. If he isn't why would all of those men let themselves die for this cause, especially since their leader is already dead? When Jesus died, they could do what they wanted to do. Just like old saying ‘when the boss is away…” most people do their best when being watched and slack off when they are not. When Jesus died this was the perfect opportunity for the disciples to slack.
Actually they also claimed Jesus was still alive, so not only are they being completely radical, but they also proclaimed the unbelievable! Why will they do this if it isn't true? If the miracles aren't true, they more than anyone else would have known. If it isn't true, one of them should have strayed. Even Judas never denied any of the things that Jesus did or accomplish. The only disciple that sold him out for money did not accuse him of being false. And right after he betrayed him, he tried to take it back immediately, and when he realized that he could not he killed himself.
Maybe people were more loyal back then? No, there are several dedicated people today, just ask an Olympic hopeful, besides there are too many people believing in Jesus for it to be completely false. And to have two major religions pronounce such things is a miracle in itself. Pondering everything, Teri begins to utilize her debating skills that helped pay for her to attend college.
Teri sits there and tries to think of reasons why the disciples would be loyal even to death and no matter what she comes up with, nothing stands out as sufficient enough. Especially since, a common fighting strategy is to kill the leader. When the leader dies, the followers usually scatter. This is also what happened when Jesus died, until he is resurrected and comes back and shows himself to so many people including his disciples. Then before he leaves he commissions them, specifically Peter, to feed his sheep, in essence telling them to go out and tell others.
Teri has to wonder if Jesus would not have come back and talked to his disciples, how different things would have been. The disciples will have told Jesus’ story, while they go back to their prior occupation of fishing. Like the creed of most fishermen, the story of Jesus would have been told far and near, as every detail is recapped over and over again. Even though the story of Jesus would have lived on through fishermen traditions and various tribunal acts that could be told as people sit by a lake. The huge difference is that it would just be a story.
People tell various fishermen stories, but their lives are not changed by them. They may speak of a golden fish or sound a fog horn during certain times of the day or in certain areas, but these traditional rituals are retold and may be observed, but people are not forever changed because they do or do not do them. The disciples lives were radically changed because of Jesus and they went out and changed others lives. It was a spiral affect.
Teri becomes extremely excited as contemplates the reasons why the followers of Jesus became so strong instead of scattering, is due to his resurrection. Jesus comes back and is still here today to lead his followers. As soon as that thought crosses her mind, Teri finds herself crying as a peace sweeps over her. Lately life has been so overwhelming and harsh realities have been pushing down at her always leaving her weak, angry, tired, overwhelmed and desperate.
For the first time, in a long time, Teri feels peaceful and strong as she mentally reattaches her thoughts to the power, strength, compassion, and love that Jesus represents. As her thoughts reboot Teri can not stop smiling and laughing. When she finally goes upstairs, she cuddles up to Christopher and goes to bed feeling at peace, she even dreams she is boldly happy.
Teri wakes up and turns off her alarm clock. She reads aloud her morning prayer then gets Christopher and herself ready for church. On her drive to church, Teri can feel her addiction to the feelings she now has. Having peaceful thoughts, were such an outdated thing of the past, actually even when she was growing up, she did not always have this type of peace she is now experiencing. She couldn’t help but to analyze her new happiness.
When she was younger and her father drank and would come home and fight with her mother, Teri was always so afraid of him staying yet afraid of him leaving. When it finally happened and they had the chance to live with her grandparents that is when Teri started to feel that carefree feeling all children should have. During her drive Teri thought through her childhood experience.
Many of Teri's childhood friends were not as lucky as she was, in having the longevity of those happy-go-lucky days of childhood. Several of her friends had mothers that had boyfriends that molested or tried to molest them. Many of them found themselves competing with their mothers for male attention and love. One of her friends stayed over during the summer and the night before she had to go back home, she cried and told Teri everything she had been dealing with. She spoke about how horrible things had become, when a man, she considered to be like a father had seduced her when her mother wasn't around.
In the end he accomplished everything he wanted in her bed. Although nothing was forced, the whole experience troubled her friend. He had kids near their age. She was only 13 when it first started and now she was in a twisted relationship where she would come over to play with his daughter, then go up and sleep with him. It became really bad when the daughter found out and started telling her other friends. To make matters worst, when things got out he left her alone and started dating a woman older than he is. Now with him ignoring her, she had no one to confide to until Teri moved into town.
Her innocence was gone and everyone moved on with their lives, but she was the one who was trampled on in the fall out. She didn't feel loved anymore and now that she was 14 she was already sleeping around with several older boys and some men. Teri was shocked, as her friend told her in graphic details how she really felt about everything through the eyes and emotions of a childhood that had gone astray.
Her friend did not want to leave in the morning so she made excuse after excuse trying to stay. Although she did stay for about three more weeks that summer, when she did go back home, Teri didn't hear from her anymore. She dropped out of school and left her mothers house. In the end, Teri would just hear stories about her and what she was doing in a gossipy sort of way from people around town. That is the first time Teri knew she was lucky to have time to just live and not have to worry about adult issues at such an early age.
By the time Teri got into the church her mind was spinning as past and present memories collided with each other. She sat down and tried to concentrate but time seemed to seep away from her. It wasn’t until the sermon about the disciples and the power that they had was being discussed that Teri was able to concentrate. The church message overpowered her jumbled thoughts and feelings. When the message ended, she quickly gathered her things and heads for the door. Although she finally feels more peaceful, Teri wants to make sure the feeing does not end by talking with someone who can bring her down.
During the drive back home, Teri takes the scenic route trying to concentrate on the book of Genesis that is playing through the speakers. Little Christopher is asleep in the back making the trip back home even more peaceful. By the time Teri opens her front door there is a smile on her face. She tucks Christopher in his bed and goes back downstairs to cook lunch and prepare for dinner. She walks past the phone and notices that the light is blinking indicating that there is a message. Looking at the phone a frown creeps over her face. Will this be bad news? Will this voicemail take my joy away? She thinks to herself. "God I am just so sensitive right now," Teri murmurs to herself. She goes to the kitchen and begins cooking. She is almost done with dinner when she hears Christopher.
Teri washes her hands off and goes up to get him. Little Christopher stands there arms opened wide and a loving smile beckoning his mothers warm embrace. Teri quickly picks him up and cherishes the moment with him in her arms. Slowly she goes down the stairs. By the time she gets to the bottom of the stairs, Christopher is already squirming to get to a toy he had noticed on the way down. Smiling she puts him down and goes back to the kitchen. When she passes the phone, she automatically picks it up and checks the message as she heads back to the kitchen.
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