Chapter 7 (The Coming Is Coming)

            It is day thirty four of Sister Burney’s fast, and six days until the big day.  Looking at the living room clock, Sister Burney notices that it is well past her normal bedtime.  Putting the bible that she is holding in her lap on the table near the eight other translations; Sister Burney stretches and closes her eyes as she yawns.  Rubbing her eyes she scans through her notes one last time, she knows her time is coming up very soon.  Sister Burney has been reading and talking to God devotedly throughout her fast and her level of awareness has been heightened.  Slowly she drinks some water, then gets up with the cup of water still in her hands to go to her bedroom. 

As she lays there several thoughts pass through her.  So many people will be expecting her to raise their loved ones from the dead or at least heal them before they die.  What if it does not happen?  Butterflies, flowers and bees set up a garden in her stomach as she tosses and turns trying to get comfortable again.  Feeling anxious, Sister Burney tries to rebuke every negative thought, and put them out of her mind.  But it is a constant battle as more and more negatives thoughts come to replace the ones that she has just dismissed.  Even before she has a chance to remove some negative thoughts more flow through her head.  

Feeling ill Sister Burney finally sits up. She has not had such negative thoughts since the first week of her fast.  She has been so focused keeping herself away from food that her mind has not drifted away with any negative thoughts.  But now that everything is about to happen in a few days, these thoughts have crept back in.  Closing her eyes she speaks sternly in her native tongue, “I do not care about failure.  I will, myself to do everything that I can to allow Jesus the Christ to use me tomorrow and everyday for the rest of my life.  I can do all things through Christ whom strengthens me and even more importantly, in five days; God, can do all things through me as Christ strengthens me.” 

Instantly feeling better Sister Burney lays back down.  Sighing with relief she closes her eyes ready to drift off to sleep, when one last thought sifts through and quietly whispers to her, “How can you heal others when you are not able to heal your own husband.  He is still in the ground—right?”  As the thought begins take root, to apply it’s deductive reasoning throughout her entire inner being and logic.  “You prayed for you husband and he still died.  You believed for his healing and he still died.  You went to his grave and he is still dead.  So how can you act like you will be able to help others when you could not even help your very own husband?”

  Automatically, Sister Burney becomes short of breath as the negative thoughts continue to plague her mind with personal attacks.  “You do not know anyone that can just heal.  Even practicing doctors do not have that type of undoubtable confidence.  Simple routine surgeries are not even guaranteed because you just never know what will happen.  How can you allow yourself--a non practicing doctor to be advertised at 100%?  What if peoples hopes are raised and it kills them when you fail.  Then you will have to witness more deaths.  Your husband is being eaten away by worms and you have done nothing about that, yet you are going to save others.” 

Instantly a pain starts to grip at her heart.  Piercing through her body with the full intent to damage her faith and destroy her soul.  Not able to speak Sister Burney panics as her body automatically stretches and curls up trying to find a comfortable position.  Her hands are clenching the skin around her heart wanting to reach the source of the pain.  The voice within her head ends with a devilish sarcastic comment, “You can’t even save yourself!” 

Gripped with pain, Sister Burney frantically flips and turns, holding steadfast to her heart desiring even a little bit of comfort.  Feeling out of control physically and mentally death is all that she can concentrate on.  ‘I don’t want to die like this,’ she thinks ‘Not like this on the eve of great healings.’  Not able to stop the pain her fingers begins to dig further, cutting into her skin.  The pain is so great that she does not feel her skin opening under the pressure of her own nails.

The pain she is feeling is deafening, but in the distance she hears her husband say her name, which draws all of her attention on him and back in the room.  “I am not dead!”  At once the pain grows stronger, making her body start to feel numb.  Mentally she is fatigued and she is starting to drift into an unconscious state, but Mr. Burney’s voice is comforting her through the pain.  “I am here with you!”  She hears him say.  His familiar voice gives her strength to mentally fight.  She begins to concentrate.

“I was in a state similar to sleeping, but when I heard your pain I had to come to you.”  He put his hand on her sweating forehead.  Sister Burney is finally able to see the face of her husband.  Wide eyed and scared, tears slide down from the side of her eyes and fall onto the pillow.  “You have never been a doubter. Please don’t pick up my bad traits now,” he gently whispers as he continues to rub the sweat away.  “You know what God has called you to do so just do it.”  He smiles and tenderly wipes the sweat away one last time before stepping back and whispering “Remember what you always say I can do all things through Christ whom stregntheneth me!” 

Sister Burney is not able to see her husband anymore, but she can still feel his presence.  Scared that this might be the last time she sees him she closes her eyes to keep him in sight mentally.  Forcing one hand away from her heart, she puts it under herself in order to slightly lift herself up.  Still not able to speak Sister Burney begins mentally whispering her strength back, through Jesus’ name she is able to slowly sit up.  By the time she is completely upright, Sister Burney is speaking audibly.  The pain is still constant but the force behind it is weakening.  Opening up her eyes she focuses in on her husband, who is patiently waiting for her.   As soon as she sees him she declares, “I claim my rights as a child of the most high God!  Lose all holds on me!”  Immediately the pain is completely gone. 

Sister Burney reaches out to her husband, who looks vibrant, healthy and strong, wearing the clothes he was buried in.  Warmly he comes to her with both arms wide open.  Embracing she holds onto him tight.  He feels so good, her body tingles as every fiber of her being remembers his touch.  Reconnecting with him through their embrace, Sister Burney breathes his life back into her soul.  Joyfully he sits down next to his wife putting his arm around her in order to keep her close.  They lay there together feeling satisfied as they talk all night.  She can not wait to tell him everything that has been happening with her and their children.  When she tells him that the new grandbaby is named after him, Mr. Burney lights up with such pride and joy.  He is even able to see the pictures of their first little grandson that their daughter has sent. 

When asked, Mr. Burney tells his wife that there is not much that he can say about himself.  “It’s like your asleep, but your slightly aware of what is going on, but on a different level.  I really don’t know how to explain it, but you are still connected.  It’s not like the movies where you become a ghost like creature and you kind of float along.  You are in a trance like state.  All of your senses are conscience and they grab hold of diverse things on an enhanced level.  I really do not know how else to explain it.”  He looks up at the ceiling as he thinks, knowing that his wife always wants more details than what he gives.

“I know so much of what is going on, but it is not like before.  I can not just feel it but I am highly aware of things.  I know some things and some things I don’t.  Like I know that you have been sad, and I knew a baby was born without any sicknesses.  Mr. Burney tightens his embrace as he says, “I also know that you have been cooking my favorite meals for us both and throwing my plate away when you are finished.”  Instantly a single tear slowly slides down Sister Burney’s cheek. This extremely personal knowledge of Sister Burney’s intimate alone time, makes her lower her head as she thinks about how she use to spend her time before she started her fast. 

Since she was so lonely at night, Sister Burney would act like things had not changed.  Deciding to keep up her normal routines, made her feel better.  Living like her best friend was still alive gave her comfort.  She also would only sleep on her side of the bed.  This helped her from constantly reminiscing over everything in their house.  Everything was a constant reminder of her husband, from the squeaky stair he never fixed, to his toothbrush placement.  The first time she cooked dinner for him it was an accident, but instead of correcting her self, Sister Burney continued cooking and arranging his place setting.  This helped her to finally eat, before she would pick at her food and ended up throwing it away anyway.  After awhile it became apart of her new yet old routine.  She would also talk to him--she did not wait for an answer, but she rarely waited when he was alive. 

“I hear every word you utter to me, but I did not just hear it with my ears.  It’s so hard to explain but it’s like I am apart of your words.  Like when you whisper ‘I love you,’ before drifting off to sleep, it’s as if your love will actually come to me and tell me.”  His voice trails off as he tries to put things into words.  “It’s like everything is combined to make one new sense.  I will not just feel what you are saying or doing, but it becomes alive and transcended itself to me.”  He puts his hand in Sister Burney’s.  “Honey the worse is when you came to the grave site.  What happened there was indescribable.  Your feelings were so sharp that every time you pulled on the dirt I could feel the hairs on my arm stand on end.  I came to you then, but you could see past your tears and you could not hear me through your pain.” 

Tears are strolling down both of Sister Burney’s cheeks as she humbly rests her head on his chest.  “I guess the best way I can describe our presence is….well I don’t know…although I am here or there…. actually, it’s like when you leave someone alone when they are in the bathroom.  It’s their private time and although you love them and desire to see them, you leave them be.  But when they really call out to you, you can’t help but to come and stand by their side at times. 

Like at my grave sight I stood over you, not knowing what to say ‘I love you, I’m sorry, Don’t cry?’  I didn’t know what would be appropriate.  Your love and fear of me was so alive, I was unsure of which one of your feelings was more accurate.  It’s so strange to want to do so much, and to be aware of so much and not to be able to respond accordingly.  Everything is so connected.  The atmosphere, the laws of nature, words, actions and deeds are exploding out simultaneously.  There, you are able to see the chaos that needs to be reorganized.  You can see the organization, and how everything is crying out in need. 

God gave order and now things are so disorganized and abused that things are completely warped.  Its comforting staying and just being aware, than to venture out and be apart of all of the chaos, it’s like you know that if you leave this state of rest, you might get lost in all of the confusion and not be able to find yourself back because you can get lost in all of the confusion.  Honey, what was happening to you, forced me out, I had to venture out and be with you despite of everything. 

It’s weird; when you venture away from your body you can….you can sense the rest of the world and nature.  The pull and connection is just so strong.  Everyone knows that we are all connected through different things like the food chain, but our connection is so much more than that.  The balance of this world is so intricate.  The connection between everything is so important.  You cannot imagine just how important the act of helping and being helped is. 

Like that bird resting in that tree outside of your window.  I can hear its rapid heartbeat and even greater than that, I know its desires.  Food is on it’s mind, its desire is to eat.  Its right wing is hurt.  He tries to compensate and he is still able to fly but it makes it hard to get food.  He is not as quick as he use to be, making it harder and harder for him to find and catch food.  He is constantly sending out signals for his desire for food. 

I can communicate with him.  I can tell him where to go and how to get food and he will be fine.  Then I can have him tap on your window and give you a message from me, like your favorite flower.  I can understand why so many people believe in reincarnation.  It’s easy for people to see things from loved ones through other things.  If the person continues to communicate using the same vessel, it’s easy for people to think that the love one is actually the medium they are using.  It’s just so sad that I can connect to nature now that I am in the spirit world.  We are so busy trying to rule nature that we lose our connection to them. 

I am aware even now, how you feel, how the kids feel and even how they will respond to what has happened between us tonight.” Mr. Burney pauses briefly.  “Please remember that we all mourn differently so don’t take it personally when our little girl shy’s away from you because of this.  Tell her that I love her and I am always there with her.  Even when she called my name when she was having labor pains, I heard her.  Tell her that I’ll be with the baby and I appreciate that she shows him pictures of me.  He’ll have many of my traits including my stubbornness so tell her to be strong.”  Mr. Burney affectionately touches Sister Burney as he continues. 

“It’s strange how much you know when the flesh is no longer your strongest connection.  God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are so obvious here.  Everything is aware of them and their importance.  I can not put them into words, I just know.  Like the angels and distorted angels, they are always around as well and they are hard to described or put into words as well.  Like the angels composed of love, are the same as the distorted angels that are composed of lust. 

I’m sorry I should have said it differently and backwards the former angels that are now distorted since they have abused their fulfillment that God gave them are distorted and twisted.  It is eerie even here when you encounter one.  It is easy to see their distortions here because you can see that they are not correctly connected to God.  Instead of fulfilling their purposes and freely giving out their God provided purposes wrapped in love, they violently are taking more from their hosts. 

That is why so many people are scared around them, they never know what will be taken without their permission.  These distorted spirits leave such an overpowering emptiness.  Because they are not longer connected to God, they are really selfish and self centered.   That is why when they are around the person is so needed and self serving.  Just like the distorted angels of love.  They are so full of lust.  Taking and never really giving. 

They attach themselves to so many people with the guise of love, but the emptiness that they leave behind is so unnerving.  They are suppose to connect you back to God.  Every evil spirit use to be a spirit filled with a composite of God, but they abused it and now they help others distort their views as well.  They are a big part of the chaos.  And people, even with all of our glory, are such valiant pawns.  It’s so shameful how easily we allow ourselves to be swayed and moved.  Feelings can be so dangerous, because the abusing spirits use feelings, signs and wonders all the time, so be careful my dear!”  He holds her even closer.

Time is different here, without my body I do not feel the pressure of time anymore.  My death until now only seems like a moment to me, even though I know a great deal of time has passed.  I do not connect to time in the same way I use to.  Only now can I feel the time.”  He softly puts the back of his hand on Sister Burney’s cheek.  “I can feel the time through your tiredness.  It is past your bedtime.  I know that everything is slowly starting to shut down even though I know that you do not want it to.”  Weakly he smiles, “I don’t want you to sleep on me, but I remember how comforting it was when we would rest together.  So lets rest together.” 

Sister Burney does not want the moment to end, even though her eyes are constantly trying to stay shut.  “No honey, please don’t stop talking!  I want to hear your voice, even if I do fall asleep; I still want to hear your voice.”  Kindly he leans over and kisses her on her forehead.  “Words are so important in the spirit world.  We don’t recognize it when we are alive, but words are like objects.  When you are in the spirit you can actually witness its life and or death.  The idle things people say clutter so much.  It really is better to say nothing unless you really want it, because people and even their children pay for the words that are spoken.”  Weakly Sister Burney tells him how much she loves him.  Allowing her to sleep Mr. Burney continues talking so that she can drift off to sleep with the sound of his voice.